drama queen

Last night was eunice's wedding. I wonder what it feels like to be Mrs. Nuyles. :) I'm really happy for them. Shan was on the verge of tears at the reception. We didn't go to the church wedding.. the truth is... I was really scared. Ayoko makakita ng kinakasal sa totoo lang.. I'm just making up excuses when i said that its creepy to see the bride walking down the aisle in silence..because the way i always play it in my mind.. Freddie Krueger is waiting at the end of the line.. the truth is.. i just have a creepy feeling attending church weddings for some unknown reason. Maybe its not yet time for me.. sabi ng mga friends ko.. darating din ang oras na makikita ko rin ang sarili ko na kinakasal. Whatever,man. Creepy pa rin sya.

I saw P in his new glasses. Its ironic that we didn't even grunt at each other. Nasa likod ko lang sya.. andun lang sya! Maraming beses..maraming pagkakataon pero hindi kami nagpansinan. My point is I'm the girl.. if he's really over me why can't he even say HI? I'm sure when you are over someone..its even effortless to say HI. Its plain automatic.. you don't give a flying fuck on what the other person might say. I could have said HI to him but the thing is I was under the impression that he's playing hard to get so I acted as if he doesn't exists... but the thing is.. I COULD HAVE SAID HI.. that could have been the confirmation that I'm over him. Ako kasi yung babae eh.. ang hirap kumilos kasi I need to protect my reputation.. I don't want to be branded as the GIRL WHO BROODS OVER THE GUY WHO IS HAPPILY IN LOVE WITH THE GF. Tangina... nag break naman sila dahil sa kin dati no!

Kahit pa sabihin niya na masaya na sya.. hindi pa rin ako naniniwala. Kahit na sabihin nya pa na OK na sila.. hindi pa rin ako naniniwala. Pag na fall out of love ka na.. tapos na yun. I'd say he's staying there because thats the safest way.. mas comfortable sya dun. But obviously.. he doesn't love the girl. Or me.. sarili nya lang mahal nya. Naisip ko nga dati.. ano ba problema sa kin? I'm not worth it? Why is it that he didn't take his chance on me? Yun ang madalas kong tinatanong sa sarili ko eh.. parang yun yung palagi kong downfall pagdating sa min.. i desperately want to squeeze him out kung san ako may mali.. pero in the end as my friends claim.. "its all about him,kels. the decision is not about you.. its all about him.. siguro sobrang love sya nung girl. yung tipong pag pumalakpak sya nandyan agad si girl.. alam nya kasi hindi ka nya kaya i manipulate..kaya natakot sya.. ganun un..." Thats possible. Pero iba pa rin pag sa kanya galing eh.. pero bakit pa? Lam ko na naman kung saan ako nakalugar.

But anyway... what the heck? who gives a flying fuck? I don't care anymore.. honestly.. yoko na ng drama. Sobrang cute ng mga memories namin.. pero whenever I think na magiging kami.. parang ayoko na rin. Not like before. I'm just bored.. kaya ayaw ko syang tantanan.. I need to find a new boytoy.. yung walang hang ups. Parang si B. hahahhahhahaha.

later.

been dreaming of jesse for the past 2 days now. its weird. i don't know why.

today is eunice's wedding day. I decided to dodge the wedding ceremony. I don't want to get mushy or something.. believe me they have that effect on me. Shan and I will see each other at the lobby hall in Shangri La..maybe past half seven tonight. I have a date tomorrow with H. hmmmm.. i hope things will be ok. :)

I didn't mean to be vulnerable yesterday. I erased all P's txt messages because they have a weird effect on me. I hate feeling that way and I definitely hate myself for texting him suddenly. What em I thinking? grrrrrrrr... P! i'm so over you.

its so boring being single but its suffocating when i'm in a relationship. I feel great just being me at the moment.. i'm just crazy and stupid sometimes. :)

here's a thought.

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

What's Your Dosha?

I'm naming pimples.

Days ago i was appalled to see one zit growing in my cheek. you know how i hate them.. i feel so frustrated all the time when i can feel them growing in my skin. I gave up the hope of being germ free.. bacterias will always have their way on me no matter how hard i try to keep them away. So days ago, I decided to give up the addiction to hydrogen peroxide.. to give way for four more zits.

Right now, things are pretty normal. Been bugged by a couple of guys.. those that matters to me no matter how hard i try to ignore the pain that they caused in the past. This prolly explains why I'm having pimples all the same time... hmm.. call it stupid but thats how i see it. This never happened to me. Just this year. Odd.. but since i cannot find any explanation aside from the fact that i'm lazy to wash my face these past days.. I decided to make up a new reason because i'm bored.

pimple #1 : The guy who walked away without admitting his feelings for me. The one who pulled an act of coolness inspite of the pain that will probably send him to brain paralysis if he admits that he's thinking about it most of the time. He's not the latest guy that I dated but his thoughts somehow manage to get into my head whenever a red CRV is in the corner. Gabby (not his real name) is a great guy.. its just that we think its better if we don't purse it any further for some reason that we can't explain but its there.

pimple #2 : I named this pimple Di Caprio. He emerged just beside Gabby. He didn't grow that big as the first pimple maybe because our relationship was screwed up to start with. We didn't go anywhere because he's a pretty inconsistent guy. And indecisive just like the pimple.. its thinking if it should rupture above or on the inside because he's afraid of hurting me. But its there anyway.. so it still hurts. He didn't wait to make my move of squashing him so he decided to go back where we first started. Nowhere. He's the latest guy that I dated but its weird that i don't think of him that much as Gabby.. maybe because this pimple was never a problem. I guess deep inside he's the kind that will go away unnoticed.

pimple #3: This one grew a couple of centimeters away from my lower lip. The first one that grew and went away without me being bothered. This pimple is my bestfriend Miguel (not his real name again)He's there once in a while showing his unsure feelings for me. But i bet he knows where he stands so he always let it slide. He was itchy for a day but he didn't give me much trouble not like Gabby and Di Caprio.

pimple # 4: This one was located almost under my nose. This is Lance (not his real name again and again), the super ex boyfriend for 7 years. Well I figured, its him alright because he's always under my nose. This one is a real pain but like other pimples.. I'm sure it will all go away. Just given the proper treatment.. it will submerged under my skin. But he will always be there.

pimple # 5: Aha! this one got pretty big on my left cheek. This is obvious. Its Jesse (fiction name), the aussie guy who left me to marry another girl by choice. He's still out there.. trying to figure out if he can buy his way exquisitely inside my heart. But no.. no way! This one I zapped.. and the pus was really unbearable. After getting rid of it.. it left a blackish spot. After getting rid of him.. GAbby and Di Caprio emerged which got me to thinking that maybe I used a different method of getting over this guy.. I used other pimples to channel the destruction. Its weird.. but all people are weird.. just like pimples I guess. Or maybe I'm just plain weird.

Hmmm.. this got to stop. I'm not thinking really clear. I've gone crazy!

jesse.. jesse... jesse. :)

You're just so good
my mind's so full of the lies you've been feeding
and I ate them up like I needed them to survive

I drank your words
but my body's been purged of their poison
that's oozing throughout all of my veins
now I'm clean and sober again

and I'm over this childish need for attention
I'm over your constant threats of rejection
I'm over those eyes criticizing my every move
I'm over you

you were my disease
but I'm finally free of your septic affection
which has spread to my wounds
but they've already healed

'cause I'm over this childish need for attention
I'm over your futile attempts at redemption
I'm over those lips condescending the things I do

but your words are like honey
so sweet and so thick
but I've o.d.'ed on your sugar
now it's all just making me sick

and I'm over this childish need for attention
I'm over your futile attempts at redemption
I'm over those lips condescending the things I do

and I'm over this childish need for attention
I'm over this constant threat of rejection
I'm over those eyes criticizing my every move
I'm over you

-Over you, Michelle Featherstone