.engagement rings and weddings.

As of sometime past last week, Niko,Eunice's hubby moved to Cubao. So I'm usually hanging out with them during lunch time. I noticed how Niko loves Eunice..its the kind of love that you can paint in a simple canvass and the thing will come out exquisitely. Thats all I can say. Jealous? Of course not, its the thing that I dreaded the most. Reminds me of Alex most of the time... his undying love.. its great really but it always terrify me. When it comes to settling down to be a homemaker, I'm 100% sure that you have the wrong person in me. Not yet. I still can't picture myself with Alex or with anyone else as of the moment. Weird but its true.

I was really terrified this morning when Eunice and I are checking out her engagement and wedding rings. Since I'm the dumbest person about wedding stuff, I asked Eunice why her ring has Niko's name engraved on it. She looked at me in shock and explained that it has been that way million years ago. Oh,ok. I said and then asked why.. and she patiently explained again that the reason why its there is because people will know to whom you are married to when say for example.. you are abducted or an accident happen. I looked at her but dismissed the idea of blurting out my thoughts because its so anti-wedding ring. I was thinking that it was really stupid.. whats there is just a name.. not even the whole name.. so I said to Eunice.. well, if thats the case.. it will be best to include the home address and the cellphone number or the permanent home phone number.. now that can be useful.

Well anyway, Eunice said that her engagement ring was a bit large for her ring finger so she removed it and showed it to me.. without any second thoughts, I slid it to my finger and we both screamed. ME, because of terror and Eunice because of I dunno maybe excitement to see me being engaged. I took it off immediately and handed it to her. That was the most terrifying thing. I can't even explain what I felt when I was wearing it.. but hell it stayed there for no less than 10 seconds. My heart jumped weirdly so the impulse was to take it out. Hell, I could have thrown it away if Eunice was not there. What the hell was I thinking? Could it be possible that I yearn to be engaged subconciously? How can my own conscience betray me? Eunice said that she can't wait to see me wearing an engagement ring and she's really curious to know who will be that strong guy who has the power to tame me and beat me into submission. Phew. Not yet.. not yet. I don't want to. And she added out of nowhere.. BETTER BE NOT MCWAKEY!!! Oh no. Hell, no.

.thousands relapses of B.

I was browsing some images in the net today and I saw our two favorite people in the world.. and you came across my mind. The very first time when we had that food escapade with them. I was mad at you for making fun of me as always. And we laughed out loud in the backseat on our way back because we were making fun of the two of them secretly. Whispering on each other's ears. My throat went dry and I was a bit yanking... and you got worried.. I remembered you stroking my back and telling me.. "I have water in my car.." You sounded genuinely concerned about me. And when you kissed me that night I had a thought that we are sending the Atlantic into fire...

I'm wondering right now... what was your fondest memory of me? Because you have thousands in me.. and you were right when you said.. I'm just here to make memories to cherish and make you smile when you feel lost and alone.

You were right. Thank you, B. I love you.

.lost thoughts. lost dreams.

I woke up today feeling a bit frustrated. I had a dream. And I have to write them as much as I could before I forget them. Its getting blurry every minute. I remembered I was in a group of college students. We were laughing in a study group of circle and I remembered that some of them are celebrities. I was talking to this girl I guess, she was a lot older than me and we were talking about something that I can't remember and in my dreams I sort of said something.. because in a second.. we were standing in front of her house and I said "THAT HOUSE LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR," I said something again and she lit up. She hugged me and said that I'm her lost daughter. In my dream, I was kinda lost and confused. I dunno how things happened and without any questions, I just accept them. We entered that huge house but its kinda weird because I can see people selling cigarettes right in front of the huge gate and I can see jeepneys parked nearby. She introduced me to the household and they were shocked to see me. She said I was the lost daughter. In my dreams, I can't remember anything about them. I don't even know how many siblings I have. She ushered me to my room and I was a bit dissapointed to see how spacious it was. I was expecting a really nice room but what I saw was a room with a leather couch and leather bed. I was even dissapointed that my clothes are not there, instead the woman said that the clothes in the closet belongs to my younger sister.. about 5 year old or something. She said that she met her husband in Singapore. (who is my dad) and we are currently living in Loyola Avenue. And we are rich.

Someone entered the room while we were talking.. in my dream, I have this feeling that he was one of those guys in the group study in the beginning of my dream. The woman introduced me to him. His name was Jason. But actually in reality, that Jason guy looked like the brother of the guy that I dated last year. In my dream, I feel like we have a connection.. like a fling in my school that didn't work out or something. He lived in the house as well.. I just feel we are related or something.. or maybe he's a guest of my brother. All I can remember is that he was wearing a white boxer shorts and a green tattered shirt. Also for some weird reason, I keep on seeing neon green spoons everywhere in the house.

Time passed by and I keep on asking stuff that weirds my mum out. She said to my dad that I'm freaking her out why I don't remember things. They said that I left the house when I was a bit older to remember things.. how come that when I came back.. I don't even know how how many siblings I have. All of a sudden, a doctor entered the scene. I was standing in the balcony and he was explaining stuff to my mum. He said that I have amnesia or memory relapses because I was using coccaine. Yup, in my dream.. I am an addict. I even jumped out in the balcony but a few people in the same study group was able to catch me. In my dream, I'm having some personality issues. I'm famous in my university and I'm hurting people. I feel that it was the reason why Jason was so distant to me. And in the latter part of my dream, I feel like we can't be together because he was my cousin. And somehow I feel like Jason was P. He started dating girls and I started dating guys to get his attention but he doesn't seem to care.. also this Jason was dissolved from my dream and I got hooked in this guy that looked like Jesse Spencer whom I caught having a shower with another girl in my room. i freaked out and I jumped into the balcony again.. only this time a group of guys. (prolly in the same study group) catched me with a big sword that pierced into the side of my shirt. They were wearing a yellow plastic suit just like one of those firemen. I wasn't hurt or something.. when I recovered from the fall.. I was in the university again and everthing is a blur because I was looking for coccaine.

I looked everywhere and ended up in the house again. I feel like I woke up but I went back to my dream and I realized right about now that I didn't really wake up.. that part is also a part of my dream. When I came back I was having dinner with some celebrity woman who is a part of my family, like an aunt or something.. lecturing me that I can't be with Jason. I saw Jason seated across the table and he seemed a bit mad at me by the way he looked into my eyes,. But I didn't really care.. I was thinking of the coccaine. And for some weord reason.. the neon green spoons has something to do with my addiction. I was searching the house and I came across this stash in a silver plate.. but I returned it back to its place. I was about to jump into the balcony again because I saw a guy that I'm dating parking his car in the garage but when I was about to jump... I woke up. Walang kuryente and my mum was freaking out that something overloaded. It was weird because somewhere in my dream.. the back wires of my television was burning.

Weird. This is just weird.

It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.

-Gregory House, HOUSE M.D.