thoughts of moving on..PART ONE.

Mahirap..masakit. Always another day without you. But I'm getting the hang of it. Sooner or later.. you're going out of my system. I'll be fine again. I sure do miss you... a lot. Sometimes I just want to breakdown. I'm so sick of thinking about us.. sana may mga bad memories tayo.. but no matter how I squeeze my mind finding them.. there's really none. And I thank you for all the good memories. I think part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight for so long is because we fear that something so great will never happen twice. You are the highlight of my 2006. The story is over.. the show curtain is going down.

thanks 13! You made me realize things that I thought I'm not capable of doing.. of emotions that were there all along. I'm sure you'll make it at the top of whatever game you plan on playing. ;-)

I'm not supposed to care anymore.

I'm happy. Most of the times.. but then again.. sometimes I'll have this depression attacks. They will come unexpectedly, that feeling of being lost once in a while. Unbelievable. I'm not always like this. My friend, Daniel thinks that we can't really help feeling that way.. and I said: I wish that I can do something about us. But really.. I'm tired of feeling the same shit over and over again. Is this it? Someone told me before.. You have to fall into the deepest depression to appreciate life.. love and all that crap.. but what is there to be sad about anyways? The fact that I'm moving to a new office and leaving my friends behind? Fuck that. I can still see them. We're still in the same company.. I can't see any sad scenario there. That I'm leaving this guy behind? Nooooo.. there's nothing to be sad in that too. It was crystal clear from the start.. I already set the expectations. That he's gonna start dating other girls? Hahahahah. I find that really funny, not sad. I'm not supposed to care about the things that will concern this guy because its really not my business. So whats there to burn? I have a new life now. The one that I always wanted.. and yet at the end of the day why do i feel so damn empty?

I forgot the feeling of love.. of that head over heels state of mind. But then again.. I forgot the feeling of being honest... there's always denial. And I hate that. Maybe I'm in love... maybe not. So what if he's hitting on my close friend? Maybe i'm just being paranoid. And if I'm not.. there's only one approach that I know to make it all go away: Live my life the way it should be because I'm really not supposed to care. Period.

Welcome 2007!

"The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad, and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something, and there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams."

Here are the highlights of 2006:

1. I got promoted as a Team Lead last March.
2. I had my very first team. TEAM ALL STAR rocks!
3. Alex gave me a new IPOD Video on our 6th year anniversary.
4. I fell out of love.
5. I'm taking the fall again...
6. I had a great time taking that fall...
7. I'm leaving my friends in Alabang.
8. I'm moving to a new office.
9. I cried...
10. I'm moving on again.. after taking that fall.

Thank you for all the memories 2006! I will surely miss you.

"There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make, true commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully." - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

HELLO 2007! I guess I have no choice but to welcome you since I don't have a f* choice. ;-p