drama queen

Last night was eunice's wedding. I wonder what it feels like to be Mrs. Nuyles. :) I'm really happy for them. Shan was on the verge of tears at the reception. We didn't go to the church wedding.. the truth is... I was really scared. Ayoko makakita ng kinakasal sa totoo lang.. I'm just making up excuses when i said that its creepy to see the bride walking down the aisle in silence..because the way i always play it in my mind.. Freddie Krueger is waiting at the end of the line.. the truth is.. i just have a creepy feeling attending church weddings for some unknown reason. Maybe its not yet time for me.. sabi ng mga friends ko.. darating din ang oras na makikita ko rin ang sarili ko na kinakasal. Whatever,man. Creepy pa rin sya.

I saw P in his new glasses. Its ironic that we didn't even grunt at each other. Nasa likod ko lang sya.. andun lang sya! Maraming beses..maraming pagkakataon pero hindi kami nagpansinan. My point is I'm the girl.. if he's really over me why can't he even say HI? I'm sure when you are over someone..its even effortless to say HI. Its plain automatic.. you don't give a flying fuck on what the other person might say. I could have said HI to him but the thing is I was under the impression that he's playing hard to get so I acted as if he doesn't exists... but the thing is.. I COULD HAVE SAID HI.. that could have been the confirmation that I'm over him. Ako kasi yung babae eh.. ang hirap kumilos kasi I need to protect my reputation.. I don't want to be branded as the GIRL WHO BROODS OVER THE GUY WHO IS HAPPILY IN LOVE WITH THE GF. Tangina... nag break naman sila dahil sa kin dati no!

Kahit pa sabihin niya na masaya na sya.. hindi pa rin ako naniniwala. Kahit na sabihin nya pa na OK na sila.. hindi pa rin ako naniniwala. Pag na fall out of love ka na.. tapos na yun. I'd say he's staying there because thats the safest way.. mas comfortable sya dun. But obviously.. he doesn't love the girl. Or me.. sarili nya lang mahal nya. Naisip ko nga dati.. ano ba problema sa kin? I'm not worth it? Why is it that he didn't take his chance on me? Yun ang madalas kong tinatanong sa sarili ko eh.. parang yun yung palagi kong downfall pagdating sa min.. i desperately want to squeeze him out kung san ako may mali.. pero in the end as my friends claim.. "its all about him,kels. the decision is not about you.. its all about him.. siguro sobrang love sya nung girl. yung tipong pag pumalakpak sya nandyan agad si girl.. alam nya kasi hindi ka nya kaya i manipulate..kaya natakot sya.. ganun un..." Thats possible. Pero iba pa rin pag sa kanya galing eh.. pero bakit pa? Lam ko na naman kung saan ako nakalugar.

But anyway... what the heck? who gives a flying fuck? I don't care anymore.. honestly.. yoko na ng drama. Sobrang cute ng mga memories namin.. pero whenever I think na magiging kami.. parang ayoko na rin. Not like before. I'm just bored.. kaya ayaw ko syang tantanan.. I need to find a new boytoy.. yung walang hang ups. Parang si B. hahahhahhahaha.

later.