hell. im bored

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 60% Stability |||| 20% Orderliness |||||| 23% Accommodation |||||||||| 36% Interdependence |||||||||| 36% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63% Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Artistic |||||||||||||||| 63% Religious |||||||||||||| 56% Hedonism |||||||||||||| 56% Materialism |||||||||||| 50% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70% Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||| 70% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||| 76% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50% Wealth |||||||||||| 43% Dependency |||||| 23% Change averse |||| 16% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 70% Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Sexuality |||||||||||| 43% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical Fitness |||||| 24% Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 76% Vanity |||||||||||||||| 63% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 63%

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break me or make me.

i don't know where will i be next week.. all i know is that I'm here now.. and it feels like hell. i might have freaked you out when I cried after the great kiss. i had that feeling that it will be the last. I had a feeling that the moment I stepped out of your car.. everything that was shared.. every great memory will always be that way. no more. I hate saying goodbye.. i always dread it. but then again.. i have no choice. I have to protect myself.. or i'll end up being depressed for the longest period of time. everything that we had was great.. special.. it could have been love.. but for some reason we can't be together. and that sucks.

maybe after all this time.. its really meant that way. you said you live in the here and now.. and we will deal with whatever happens in the future when it happens. if it doesn't work out as we hoped..we'll regroup and deal with it. whatever that means..

of letting go and moving on.

"One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters, whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."


- Closing Cycles, by Paolo Coelho

* I have no choice. You said you realize that you really love her but you are afraid to let me go. Don't be there or here because of pity. Follow what your heart says.. just be honest. You see with you I'm always vulnerable.. something that I've been hiding for quite a long long time with anyone who comes in my life.. but with you.. i never cared. Maybe I'm not worth it.. maybe you're not worth it. But one thing for sure.. I'm closing my door in all of this. I have to protect myself.. maybe I love you.. maybe I don't.. but I was ready to take the risk..and its sad that you don't. Goodbye, P. Wishing you all the bestest things life can offer.

take it slow.. definitely maybe.

i'm not the girl on the side anymore. but she loves you and she will do anything to win you back.. and you said you're being weak. .. there's a 60/40 chance that you might go back with her if she pleads. Believe me.. i know where you're coming from. but then i guess i am confused of where we are right now... so we decided to take it slow.. after the kiss and the holding hands part... we drew a line that states : THIS WAY TO FRIENDSHIP.

i honestly don't know if we are going to work this way. it sure is painful and uncertain after all the things that we've done. Is it possible to rewind everything back and start on a clean slate? I dunno. I guess I should give it a try coz the way we presented it.. it seemed like a very good idea at this point of time. To be friends so that we won't screw up the little something that's going on between the two of us. Maybe we shouldn't really rush into things.. maybe it shouldn't be that way.

it feels like dying being in this situation.. of trying hard not to cross the line. What i'm saying is that..i dunno how long i'm going to wait. I just want to be with you now. And it hurts that I can't. I will still talk to you..we will still go out. We are on the process of getting to know each other again.. and that sucks, man. It really does.

later.