i'm sorry.

so I'm right. I seriously thought that there's something off going on... with you. Its weird but somehow I still feel connected. And it shouldn't be that way, right? Yeah.. I really feel responsible for you. I feel that if I didn't let my emotions get in the way then you'd still be in your comfort zone. You wouldn't be so miserable like you are now. I talked to a couple of your friends.. and they said that you've been weird since OUR INCIDENT. You don't talk to anyone.. you hang out with the loud people in the office.. and most of all.. you've been real tacky. Worst is that.. you desperately tried to convince me that you're a Muslim now. I mean i have nothing against muslims.. I just know that you're family is pretty tight with catholic religion thats all, so when I heard that.. you got me wiggin out for a sec. And you laughed when i believed you.. You said I'm really easy and all.. well. What the fuck you thinkin? i just found out that you deleted your f account yesterday.. so I thought you're in some deep shit really. So I chose to believe because you never joke about stuff like that, P. You are the most serious person I've met.. seriously. You're always ten foot tall with everyone.

I tried to talk to you.. as what some of your friends told me to do. Yeah.. you think you're cool now, huh? Fuck, P. They really think that I should talk to you one more time for some decent closure. Anything to make you feel better. I know you well.. I know how you take care of your problems.. you bail out 99% of the time.. and you ain't resilient, man.. if thats what you want me to think.. now that you're hanging out with those idiots.. laughing your heart out. You can't fake that you feel empty, P. I just know it. And you think that I believed that you're cool with your gf now? I don't think so. I never believed that you love her.. the same way that I believed that you're not coming back with me.

I tried to talk to you. You pushed me away. I tried to make you feel better.. you made me feel like a loser. I tried.. and you just tried harder every time. I'm not good in this melodramatic shit and I know that none of the things that I'll say upfront will make you feel better.. but its honest and its the truth. Right or wrong, somehow it'll both set us free. Damn, man. We happened seven months ago.. I'm sure somehow.. you're a bit ok now. And I am ok. Don't make me feel so guilty, P. Don't send me the intentional message that it's all my fault. It hurts me when your friends judge me that way. And most of all.. its stings when you think of me like that. I tried to be here for you.. most of the time. But you always send me away with the macho confidence and all.. but as I've said.. you can't make me believe that.

And you know what? Its really not my fault if you want to lead a miserable pathetic life. I can't pick your own decision. Just don't take it out on me.. just don't. I feel hell... really. Right now. If this will make things easier.. please pretend that I never happened in your life. Just don't do the things that you're doing now.

Dear God, will you let me off the hook please??

Please don't do this to me, P. We both don't deserve it.