Goodbye.

I don't know why.. but I felt really bad when I found out that you deleted your f account. what's happening, P? I feel that you're really in a bad shape. And for some weird far off reason.. I feel so responsible for you. I don't know why. But thats just the way it is.

You are right.... I walked away.. you walked away. Don't think its easy for me.. because its not. After all this time, I still find myself wondering about you.. in the sad idle moments of my day. Wondering what might have been... I guess I would always feel this way when I think about you.. or worst.. when I hear your name. There are times that I sit in my chair staring at my screen.. pointing my mouse in your name.. thinking if I should leave you a message. But then.. my pride often wins. I can't even spell a simple greeting. Yeah, I'm dying to know how you been doing.. I'm yearning for the sweet messages that we used to shoot at each other. Somehow, after all thats been said and done.. I still want to be a part of your world... to have a part of taking care of you.. in a sad ironic friendly way. Remember the times when limit ourselves of just being friends? I was so stupid to think that you really mean it.. because right now.. I kinda feel that you wanted something more. I was such a noob to close my mind of any possibilities.. that you still want to try. I think of the simple ways that you often do when you were trying to catch my attention.. I'm really stupid, P. And God knows, how I regret it... because somehow.. I did push you away. At least, somehow, amidst all of this madness.. I stand by at what we used to say to each other : THIS IS THE BEST WAY. You are taken.. and so em I. And yeah, this is the bestest solution. And maybe, I'm just hallucinating. Maybe I really am. Because yeah.. there was a time when we're both free but you didn't take the chance. You chose someone over me.. I guess.. thats one good blow for me, huh?

I really don't know why you're not talking to me anymore.,, or why you're dodging me. I'm sorry if at some point.. I did hurt you. And don't worry.. you did hurt me in unimaginable sort of way. You did return the favor. Its crazy.. but I guess.. yeah.. there's no point denying it. I'm not completely over you.

Maybe we are not going to talk anymore.. or see each other anymore. I just hope that.. when you think of me.. you'll think of the good things that we've shared. Although things didn't even end up the way that we wanted it to be.. I just hope that you'll still smile when you think of us.. as the years passed you by.

I did love you, Paolo. In the weird.. sort of way that you can ever think of.

I miss you. Goodbye.