The Un-bloggable blog entry

Damn them. All of my posts that foster true love and happily ever after. Thats just the estrogen talking. At this point of time.. I'm officially 100% emo as we speak. Yeah. I'm not emo resistant. I can be at times.. here's a glimpse of it.

Ok. First thing first, I know we're over P. But hey, give me the E why the hell are we still talking. As far as I know, when a fling ditch you for the old girlfriend..everything in between is considered NULL AND VOID. And why the hell do you still give a damn about me.. I dunno. Well, its not like I'm not talking to you or something but the thing is.. I'm just thinking of the whole point. Yeah, for quite some time I really wanted to keep the friendship but thats just a feel good speech because I was really hurt and.. maybe a bit devastated that you can't fucking make up your mind. The thing is you chose her over me and for some ordinary girl, thats the end of it.. but I wanted to keep my cool and play the understanding old attachment so I said..yeah we can still be friends. If you read this... well.. you will prolly mention the last B fling and you'll say.. HEY, What about him? You guys are still friends. But here's the thing, P. We talked about it.. B and I ending our attachment went well and smooth.. instead of you just leaving me without any words and wouldn't say a damn word about it until I had the courage to bring up the subject and the reality smashed up in my face. Yeah.. B and I are still friends because it was crystal clear from the start before we decided to exchange each other's saliva. And you.. you.. acted cold and dodged me. You were MIA for quite sometime and you dwell in some comforting notion that I am a strong person and that I can understand your decision. Now.. when I was slowly erasing you in my system.. I got a HELLO message in my AIM. And because I value my pride so much.. i replied with the usual ME flavor to let you know that I didn't brood about us. Well here's the thing... I lost. Yeah.. I was bitter and lonely when you left me. And I guess at some point.. maybe a bit desperate. But I managed to hide all of this with my perky personality. But yeah.. I hit rock bottom. I really did. Happy now??? I don't know if you are still testing the waters... and I'm not supposed to care.. but I really hate myself for thinking about you.. hell, I'm even blogging about it.. this one last time.

You said.. you're happy now. Well, good for you. Thats what I really want in the first place.. for you to be happy so that you won't hurt anyone else because of your indecisiveness and lack of balls. Well maybe at some point.. I'm really bitter and still curious why you didn't choose me. But then again.. its old news. You've done it. You shattered me. And I'm done picking up the pieces of US. I understand that its really hard to give up something familiar and comfortable for something new.

And newsflash: I am happy now. With someone else.. I guess this is just the pride talking. But hey.. for what its worth.. let me tell you this.. in the past mind games that we played.. you've won. You prolly don't know it yet.. or you won't ever know it unless you read this entry but then again.. i'm all good now. And if this will make you happy.. so be it.

the fucken jerk of a guy rules again! When will I ever learn. Oh dear god.