the basketball game.

I had a really great time watching the basketball game in Almanza. I was so happy to see Margo, Jay and Celso again. And it was a euphoric moment that i get to hang out with Paolo after the sunday breakdown. I went home really late and spent the whole day sleeping after that.

My friday was really exhausting. P needed to wake me up at around 3pm so that I can make it in my 6pm interview. I made it on time but fucking HR rescheduled the interview at 7pm so I made a complete idiot of myself as I made the roll call and no one was ever there. People are giving me these blank confused faces and I felt like my cheeks getting warm. Honestly, the only good thing that kept me that day was the fact that I will be going to Alabang in the wee hours of the morning to see Paolo. I miss him like hell.

When I got to Alabang.. my friends jumped on me. Hahaha. I felt really hungry so I decided to eat in Samurai, P texted me then and he was there in a heartbeat. I really don't know how to act in front of many people when I'm with P. The moment I saw him I felt like throwing myself on him and kiss him in front of many people. But somehow I still care on what they will think of us. Maybe because I had these thoughts at the back of my head that people might think I'm taking advantage of the situation. Everyone knows that he has a gf and some of my friends think that I'm still getting over B. Its paranoia, I know. But most of the time, I really don't care. There are times that I'm really selfish and I don't think straight.. I guess its really hard to do that when you're so in to someone. But i felt at that very moment, its not proper to act on what I really feel. Not yet. Not in front of my friends. P is important to me, don't get me wrong.. most of the time I feel like he's the only good thing thats happening into my life.. all of the time, he's the only reason that pushes me to get on my day and end it with a smile.

After driving Jay and Margo to Festival Mall.. we spent the whole morning at Sid's. I changed my clothes because I felt smelly and dirty. P always smells nice kasi eh. Nahiya ako bigla. Maybe its hard not to act on what we feel when we're together. Its not a theory anymore.. fact na siya. Its hard not to kiss P or not to hold his hand.. taena.. why do I always feel that if I won't do it then and there the moment will just pass us by tapos hindi ko na siya mababalik. Maybe because I'm done living with the "what-ifs" and shit like that. Basta at this point of time.. I want to be here.. I want to stay in this. I learned to accept things.. I know right now its impossibe to happen. I know that in the process I will get hurt.. but thats just so overrated. Eventually even if I try to protect myself.. I'll still end up hurting. This is happening right now.. and I just have to deal with it and try to create great memories to make it worth our while.