Psychasthenic.

We said we will be friends.. after the conversation that we had.. that painful conversation.. you said that you still want us to be friends. I said thats fine. And you asked me to watch the basketball game with you And we hold hands after that.. and we kissed. And you drove me home... and you texted me when you got home. And I updated our blog.. and I wrote you another friendster message saying that you are not leading me on.. and after that.. I didn't hear anything from you.. and I realized.. ooops.. oh.. its the weekend, baby! You are prolly with the great gf.

There are two things that I realized. You love me.. but you love yourself over the both of us. YOu see.. you are still with her because you are afraid to take your chance with me because you said that I will be dissapointed with you.. so if thats the case.. then... you don't want to be hurt when I leave you right? Being with her is the safest way to protect yourself. And I realized that I can't be with you right now.. or with any guy who thinks the way that you do. It sucks.. it hurts.. it feels like dying but hey, I love myself too. So right now friendship is the only true thing that I can offer too. I am not expecting.. heck I'm not even hopeful. Sure.. its normal to have relapses once in a while but then again.. its fucking normal right?

We could have been great.. we could have been happy. But that was so yesterday. I'm letting go now.. not because of choice but because you pushed me to it. You never believe in us.. you want to be a better person.. without me. But hey, we're still friends right? No need to take it slow.. because it was over... then and there when you said that I should start investing my feelings to someone else. Anyone.. but not you. Maybe you care for me a lot thats why you don't want me to stick with you because you believe that you will hurt me in the end... and i care for you more than I should thats why I decided to end everything in terms of wishful thinking that we will still be together after all this. I care for you a lot and I see that you are hurting.. my existence complicates you. And I have to go. Thats pretty clear.

Moving.. moving on. It feels like dying. But I just have to do it before everything is too late.