Superb time with the 300.

Here's the thing when you have a blogspot that no one knows about... you tend to write the craziest stuff without a care in the world. You can post the cheesiest songs and feelings that it'll make your friends laugh out loud when you blurt it out in person. You don't care if someone leave a comment because you don't freakin' know them. It doesn't feel a thing when they judge the things that you write because they're just strangers who browse blogs on the slow boring time of the week. Its a form of release.. and it feels hella good.

Sooooo... let me start by thanking the people who are responsible for the 300 movie! Exquisite exquisite boy thing! I get to watch it with someone that I guess I'm starting to like. Best Saturday night of my March, i tell you. It was unplanned and unexpected and it feels really great. After the great flick, we hooked up until 6 in the morning.. boy, time really flies when you are spending it with someone interesting and funny. We promised to watch the Transformers this coming July. I can't wait! :)

This guy is probably another Jay in my life. And it feels weird that I get sad when I think about it. I know friendship is the only true thing that he can offer since he's been with a great gf for 2 years now. But what is there to be sad about? I got another great friend whose humor amazes me. He's pretty smart and weird.. just like me I guess. We talked about a lot of things that we enjoy.. its just the saddest thing that he never liked Shaider. Hahahahha. Ang daldal pala nitong tao na to! I was so surprised to discover that. I hope that he wasn't dissapointed of his expectations of me.. because I blabbed a lot that night.. when I think about it after the hangover.. I felt that I ruined the night. But then, we're just friends. I'm not supposed to think that way, I guess. But I said the weirdest things that made him laugh at the top of his lungs.. who would want a girl like that? I guess I can never be the gf material.. i'm always the great friend material instead. When he got home he texted me that there's no way that I'm unattractive or mean or unlovable. He said that i'm the opposite of the three and i'm so much more. But then thats just the alcohol talking.. I'm sure by now when the hangover is gone.. he doesn't mean the things that he said. Haha.

Here's the fucking weird thing about me.. I'd always know when a guy is hitting on me coz thats always easy to feel. My girl instincts tell me that most of the time. But when I get caught with someone that I really like.. I'd totally get clueless and my mind wanders from the smallest details trying to get a sign if he feels the same. And the worst thing is.. whenever I see the signs.. I normally ignore it and tell myself that good friends tend to do things like that as well. You get what I'm saying? A friend told me once that I shouldn't be so naive when it comes to this. But I can't help it. Maybe I'm just trying to protect myself all the time or maybe I'm just weird. Who knows? Tangina.. eto na naman ako.

Compared to the great GF.. I can't really offer anything except a good company. Panis ako pagdating dun. When I play the scenarios of that saturday night thing I can't find the signs that he likes me or something. He didn't even hold my hand. He can't even look at me straight when I look at him. There was this one time that I caught him staring at me while I'm doing something with my hair. But who knows whats going on in his mind?

I guess right now.. romance is really not a good idea. It'll be a mess. Major mess. I'm better off without it. I can't really entertain that notion because it will ruin everything. I should kill this feeling here.. I have no more room for weakness.. no more room for this wonderful disturbing feeling called Love. Its just so fucking scary.

And hey! we're good friends! right now, thats all that really matters. And I'm happy. I will always be. :)