praying...

I pray that they won't shut down the PCs at work. I forgot to save the documents that I've been trying to finish at work. Gosh, I was so tired I didn't even bother to lock my pc. I guess I did.. but I'm really not sure. It was funny that I came across Marge's mum on my way home. She didn't recognize me.. she said that I've grown so much and that I got prettier through the years. That was really embarrasing because she blurted out in front of like.. a hundred people. And then afterwards she said.. "Pero.. ang taba mo ngayon!" and I was like.. yeah. I know that line was going to come sooner or later. Well, I shrugged and said, yeah.. that one is the reason why I meet up with your daughter once in a while for badminton sessions. It was really ankward talking to your friend's mum because they ask the most embarrassing questions and they don't care who's going to hear them.. they just ask it out loud as if they are asking a 5 year old kid.

So.. 1st question. "What happened to your long time boyfriend? Garett told me that you guys broke up. Isn't he the same guy you're dating for 7 years?"
I answered.. "Mmmm. It just didn't work out for the two of us, tita."
"Eh bakit naman? Walang pera? sabagay.. practical na ngayon.. kaya nga ako sabi ko kay Garett wag syang mag aasawa ng wala siyang trabaho.. kaya naku ikaw, maganda ka pa naman.. wag kang magpapaloko sa mga lalaki. Yaan mo sila ang maloko sa yo.."
I smiled and I nodded. Wishing the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. And it went on and on.. I just sooooo love Marge's mum. She keeps me sane once in a while.

On career news, nothing really new. I was just so tired because it was Thurday. And that means claims day. I took a dozen sup calls and it was just frustrating. My reps are improving unimaginably and thats a great feeling. I wonder then, I've done so many mistakes in the past and I just feel so guilty thinking about it. To hear someone speak that I've changed a lot.. that was really depressing. Nix told me that I was never like that in Alabang.. encouraging people. And that was the worst feeling. Come to think of it.. maybe the reason why Bri resigned was because I failed to motivate him. Sana hindi naman ganun. I just feel so bad. I wanted to ask him so badly.. but I don't want to bother him with my nonsense sentiments. I guess knowing your mistakes in the past makes you a better person in a way because you always have the option to be it or change it. Shit. Nakokonsensya talaga ako. I just feel so unproffesional.. letting my emotions and personal stuff affect my job. I've learned it. Not gonna do it again. I'm really sorry for it... i'm really sorry, Bri.

I've also learned that AJ finally has a BF. Thats cool. I'm really happy for her. She deserves to be happy.. she deserves to be loved. After all pain that me and 13 caused her.. I bet she felt really devastated, I didn't mean to inflict pain to anyone.. its just that things happen. And I'm sorry for that too. I wish her all the best. Its so fucking frustrating that I'm in this stage where I feel so guilty of all the mistakes that I've committed in the past. I'm only human. And I'm passive and cold.. I shouldn't be like this anymore. I shouldn't think like this.. Its not fucking helpful! Should go before I blog full nonsense. Later.