PISSED.

i'm hella pissed today. I was watching Prison Break, season 2 when suddenly the DVD player stopped and it doesn't want to go on anymore. I tried playing the damn CD in my PC and my other 2 Dvd players but.. the stupid disc won't play. I hate it! I guess the problem lies in the CD. Just when I'm on the juicy part of the series! Can you believe it?! Now, I will never see the end of season 2. Unless I have some time to go to Quaipo and buy another one. But when is that going to happen? I am soooooooooo pissed. And hell I'm even pissed because season 2 as per Jed is really bitin. I think they are airing season 3 in the US and it might take a while to pirate them. I'm just so hook with Wentworth.. and that character he plays. I felt like he's the only good thing thats happening to me.. at this point of time. Hahahhahah. I think I've heard that line somewhere.. hmmm.

So last night... someone was trying to hit on me. Aminah said that I should go for it. I chuckled and whispered.. "Are you crazy? No way." and then she gave me that look.. like Kellie-don't-be-such-a-KJ look. "Ok naman sya di ba?" she asked. I checked on him.. yeah. He's cute, alright but I'm so done with this. I've been partying since puberty and this is the time of my life when I'm supposed to have decent coffee conversations with some decent guy. Not a party animal. Party animals are cute.. strikingly handsome sometimes.. yup.. when you're 19 years old. I'm so over this. I can still remember the last time I went to a crowdy bar just like Guilly Island.. I was 22 years old..young and carefree.. it was 6am in the morning, only that it was really dark outside.. the summer wind brushing my hair.. in my photographic memory it was even drizzling.. there are people running down the street because its only a matter of minutes before the rain could wash over us.. funny, they were running in costumes because there was a big even that night like a street party or something. I was holding someone else's hand.. i was inside his arms.. he said, "Kellie.. I'm going back home to Australia next week." I looked into his eyes and smiled. "So?" He stared back at me and we started kissing there.. without a care in the world. Its breaking my heart that moment because there are things left unsaid. My pride got into me and I was scared to say the things that I've been holding for years. The rain started to fall and I desperately wished that it will wash my emotions so that I can put an end to my stupidity.. but it didn't. Up until the moment.. I still truly care for that person. Its weird.. its stupid but I can't deny it. That will be another stupidity. So we got into the cab.. and I took a good look into that bar.. and I said to myself.. the partying life is over. Goodbye booze.. I'm a grown woman now. After a year, I learned that the guy was married to someone else. The question was asked to another person. i have a strong gut feeling... it could have been me. Things happened along the way.. but I'm not gonna blog about it. Its so painful reminiscing the days with him.

I guess.. I come and go to other people's lives. If I have a purpose.. I really don't know the answer. But most of the times.. I feel that i'm always just another girl. A rebound. A fall back. A booty call. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter what I have.. what I am.. but what matters is that how the other people became because of me. But I always fail to inspire people.. to motivate them.. to influence them. I'm always that fun memory.. that would keep people from wondering over and over again but at the end of the day.. as they go to sleep.. they would say to themselves.. "God, its so pointless to think about Kellie.."

And I'm really sorry if you guys feel empty. Its just me.. finding my way to the world.