.lost thoughts. lost dreams.

I woke up today feeling a bit frustrated. I had a dream. And I have to write them as much as I could before I forget them. Its getting blurry every minute. I remembered I was in a group of college students. We were laughing in a study group of circle and I remembered that some of them are celebrities. I was talking to this girl I guess, she was a lot older than me and we were talking about something that I can't remember and in my dreams I sort of said something.. because in a second.. we were standing in front of her house and I said "THAT HOUSE LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR," I said something again and she lit up. She hugged me and said that I'm her lost daughter. In my dream, I was kinda lost and confused. I dunno how things happened and without any questions, I just accept them. We entered that huge house but its kinda weird because I can see people selling cigarettes right in front of the huge gate and I can see jeepneys parked nearby. She introduced me to the household and they were shocked to see me. She said I was the lost daughter. In my dreams, I can't remember anything about them. I don't even know how many siblings I have. She ushered me to my room and I was a bit dissapointed to see how spacious it was. I was expecting a really nice room but what I saw was a room with a leather couch and leather bed. I was even dissapointed that my clothes are not there, instead the woman said that the clothes in the closet belongs to my younger sister.. about 5 year old or something. She said that she met her husband in Singapore. (who is my dad) and we are currently living in Loyola Avenue. And we are rich.

Someone entered the room while we were talking.. in my dream, I have this feeling that he was one of those guys in the group study in the beginning of my dream. The woman introduced me to him. His name was Jason. But actually in reality, that Jason guy looked like the brother of the guy that I dated last year. In my dream, I feel like we have a connection.. like a fling in my school that didn't work out or something. He lived in the house as well.. I just feel we are related or something.. or maybe he's a guest of my brother. All I can remember is that he was wearing a white boxer shorts and a green tattered shirt. Also for some weird reason, I keep on seeing neon green spoons everywhere in the house.

Time passed by and I keep on asking stuff that weirds my mum out. She said to my dad that I'm freaking her out why I don't remember things. They said that I left the house when I was a bit older to remember things.. how come that when I came back.. I don't even know how how many siblings I have. All of a sudden, a doctor entered the scene. I was standing in the balcony and he was explaining stuff to my mum. He said that I have amnesia or memory relapses because I was using coccaine. Yup, in my dream.. I am an addict. I even jumped out in the balcony but a few people in the same study group was able to catch me. In my dream, I'm having some personality issues. I'm famous in my university and I'm hurting people. I feel that it was the reason why Jason was so distant to me. And in the latter part of my dream, I feel like we can't be together because he was my cousin. And somehow I feel like Jason was P. He started dating girls and I started dating guys to get his attention but he doesn't seem to care.. also this Jason was dissolved from my dream and I got hooked in this guy that looked like Jesse Spencer whom I caught having a shower with another girl in my room. i freaked out and I jumped into the balcony again.. only this time a group of guys. (prolly in the same study group) catched me with a big sword that pierced into the side of my shirt. They were wearing a yellow plastic suit just like one of those firemen. I wasn't hurt or something.. when I recovered from the fall.. I was in the university again and everthing is a blur because I was looking for coccaine.

I looked everywhere and ended up in the house again. I feel like I woke up but I went back to my dream and I realized right about now that I didn't really wake up.. that part is also a part of my dream. When I came back I was having dinner with some celebrity woman who is a part of my family, like an aunt or something.. lecturing me that I can't be with Jason. I saw Jason seated across the table and he seemed a bit mad at me by the way he looked into my eyes,. But I didn't really care.. I was thinking of the coccaine. And for some weord reason.. the neon green spoons has something to do with my addiction. I was searching the house and I came across this stash in a silver plate.. but I returned it back to its place. I was about to jump into the balcony again because I saw a guy that I'm dating parking his car in the garage but when I was about to jump... I woke up. Walang kuryente and my mum was freaking out that something overloaded. It was weird because somewhere in my dream.. the back wires of my television was burning.

Weird. This is just weird.