This is not love.

I had this funny conversation with the guy I'm currently dating. You see, the thing with this guy.. he's so predictable and unpredictable at the same time. Reading him is really impossible (if he reads this, he'll laugh out loud.. well that's pretty much predictable because that's what he do most of the time.) So out of nowhere he said : I think my future wife will have difficulty spending the rest of her life with me. In my mind I blurted : HELL YEAH. He said he's not a big fan of relationships..i agree. I never had difficulty knowing that right from the start. A serious guy will never tell his friend out loud.. "TINATAMAD NA KO EH," when he was asked why he's not going after the girl that he likes at work. HE USED TO LIKE. ( I popped out of the picture so the girl was history) Its not that i'm not taking him seriously.. its just that.. he amazes me in a way. How his mood swings shifts from one minute to another..how his lines come off sometimes... it's like solving a sunday crossword puzzle. Tricky... like you think you have the right answer but you're so wrong. Sometimes when he's really in a bad mood, I ignore him. You see its a choice. Sometimes when he's in a good mood.. I also ignore him. its also a choice. Don;t ask me why because thats the way its supposed to be. If you try to be nice to him when he's mad.. he'll raise his eyebrow as if saying LEAVE ME ALONE!. If you talk to him when he's happy.. he'll ask you this: CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN? THATS SO CUTE. So either way.. when you try your best.. you'll still be annoyed in the end.

And the inevitable question is: SO? WHY ARE YOU STILL DATING HIM? Well, for starters, he was the only person who made me realize my left from my right. Thus, he gave me directions not only literally but in many aspects of my pathetic life. Directions are very important. Its a necessity.. its knowing what's right and wrong if you put it in a nutshell. For me.. thats one of the grateful reasons why I let him stay in my life for a while. ( I make sure I thank God everytime I pray to Him.) Second, he makes me laugh even when I'm really pissed. i'm really scary when I'm mad but he always exerts effort to put a smile in my face.. sometimes he tries so hard but its still worth it. When i look at him, no matter how hard I try not to smile.. i will eventually crack up. (this is not love, people, its..something else.. i'm sure) Third, he's the only guy who finds my sarcasm really funny. Other guys will think my humor is really offensive. But with this guy, he doesn't mind at all. (well at least thats what I think) i feel like I can blurt out the foulest comment, he'll find it weird then after giving some thoughts.. he'll laugh out loud. Fourth, he listens. Yup. Thats what i can feel. We can talk about almost anything.. and he'll share his thoughts. I like that in him. Most of the guys I know are egomaniacs who only talk about their ego tripping escapades, who feed on my low self esteem.. but this guy.. well sometimes (except for the feeding on the low self esteem part).. he does that but his lines are not that lame so I buy it anyway. Fifth, this is the only guy I know who has the guts to correct me (stuff, seatbelt,smoke and weed. DROP THE S, KELLIE.. yeah I can still hear his macho voice ringing in my ears). Sometimes, I feel like I'm the dumbest girl ever.. i realized that its a good thing because he kinda makes my head above the water. I was able to expand my vocabulary, its like reading the WORD POWER SECTION IN READER'S DIGEST: I KNOW I'M COMPETITIVE BY NATURE, I'M THE DEVIL, RAPE ME, DID YOU HAVE YOUR PERIOD ALREADY?, LET'S HANG OUT AFTER SHIFT, I NEED TO GO TO THE BANYO, I POPPED OUT TWO Vs TODAY, etc.. use it all in a sentence? Trust me, my guy knows how to in a heartbeat. I can go on and on about the things that I like about this guy. If he's reading this, I know I need to mention all the good stuff, I guess. Yeah. He's a good kisser. He's not selfish. He's the BAAAAAAAAD GUY. He makes me feel good about myself. He knows his lines. He doesn't make me wait. He's confident. He's cute when he blabs. He has the most expressive eyes. He's a major hearthrob. He's very transparent, He's hot when he's acting like a child...etc etc.

So, I'm really not head over heels. I'm just appreciating how wonderful he is.. thats one of the things that I learned from him. Appreciating what you have is ok. Appreciating what other people think about you is a good thing. He hates drama.. he hates mushy moments but I know that he's a very sensitive person and that he appreciates anything that I can offer. He never asks for more than what I can give. And thats the greatest feeling ever. i wish I can offer more.. but I guess that every story has to end. I honestly don't know when its gonna end. I'm leaving soon.. and that pains me in a way because no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that there are no goodbyes for the two of us.. I know...I just know that sooner or later things will end. I just know one thing... that no matter what happens..he will always have this part inside of me that not even my PS2 can ever replace. He's one hell of a guy. Having him in my life.. even for just a little time is one hell of a ride. ;-)